22.10.05

Sleep Deprivation... it's a bitch

yeah, so sleep finally decided to visit me last night... at around 5.30 am. hahahaha... thank goodness my only class of the day wasn't until 3 pm, so i slept in until around 1.45 pm. that's some quality sleep, right? wait- how many hours is that? lemme count... 5 + 6 = 11, + 2 = 1... so i got 7 hours of sleep. is that right? yup. hey, don't give me that thought, look at the timestamp! once again, it's late.

i actually should go back downstairs and continue with the Family Guy Marathon, but i needed a moment to have my own thoughts instead of having somebody else's pressed into my mind... it almost hurts. almost.

but i took my math midterm today! i think i might've actually done pretty well on it. none of it was anything difficult, mostly standard deviations and variance calculations... two of the questions actually asked the test taker to define the term "sample" for the given scenario. it was hilarious!

i don't remember what happened between math class and the Family Guy Marathon's commencement, but i'm sure it was thrilling. probably slept.

my roomie lost her keys last night, but thankfully i was downstairs in the Ivy Lounge watching "Kill Bill" with some friends... she was quasi- plastered, but i gave her my room key and then waited an hour so she'd be asleep by the time i got up there... i worry about her when she's hammered, but needlessly so. So, i saved myself the "oh god she's leaning out the window what's she doing who is she talking to why does she have to lean that far out oh man what if she pukes" thought process. yay for me.

however, i do not know if/when she'll be home this evening, so i have to keep my mobile close by to be able to meet up with her and let her into the room. thrills. i hate my mobile. i pull it out of my purse and people ask how old it is. like it should be in the fucking smithsonian or something. bitches. can't they just accept antiques?! i'm getting a new one next month, just leave mi fono viejo alone!!

mweh, that's enough of me. i'm going to go use the facilities, then head back for some quality mind-numbing un-PC entertainment. cheers!

after this i am going to be genetically programmed to kill when i hear the "family guy" theme song

21.10.05

yes, it's really 4.30 am

why am i blogging at 4.30 in the morning, you ask? good question, says i. i just got back to my room and my computer was on... and i already checked my email.

today should be good, after i go to sleep then wake up again... haha, i could probably take my morning meds right now, but i'm not going to, since i just took my night meds. wow, i am entirely too entertained by this. new topic.

i actually took two naps today- and by today i mean yesterday- so the first goes out to Madge, and the second to Kimberlina, who requested that I sleep in her name. Gladly. there you go, kiddo. hope the rest finds you soon.

quite frankly, i hope the rest finds me soon... and in anticipation of that, i am going to go lay down in my bed and probably pass out immediately. now that i've said that, though, i probably just jinxed myself, and won't sleep at all. again. knock on wood! and i actually did. cheers!

On The Rocks' version of "For The Longest Time"- it applies :)

20.10.05

today was a good day

indeedy it was. last night was good, then i got back to my room and finished this damn paper i've been trying to write for CORE, which made the whole time better....

this morning was a little rough, though... my body nearly held me hostage in my bed, until i regained control, and negotiated my freedom just in time to make it to Spanish class.... what a waste. They were all wastes today!

frankly, anything besides a nap is sounding like a waste right now, so you know what i'm going to do? that's right, check my email! then call my sister back, then eat something... then study for that huge math test tomorrow.... it's gonna be a bitch, but thankfully it's my only class tomorrow, and after that? FAMILY GUY MARATHON!!! yay! can't wait. so much humour and procrastination of homework in one weekend, it's going to be marvelous.

eh, fuck it, i'll call anya back, then nap. adios!

i've missed you :)

19.10.05

I SLEPT!!

I just thought you'd all want to know... it was a magical thing, to wake up and realise that I was sleeping!

5 hours of unconscious bliss... yay! cheers!

crazy dreams... fucking crazy dreams...

fuck

sleep isn't coming tonight either... i'm sorry madge, it's just not not happening.

great, and my lamp just started having some sort of spastic attack. i'm going to get a seizure and die. how appropriate. owwww, turning it off hurts my eyes... maybe the seizure is worth it. and of course, it's fine now. isn't that how it always is.

i found another movie to toss on the list of Worst Flicks Ever: "The Prince & Me." I should've known it would be crap from the title, since the grammatically incorrectness irked me... but no, i watched it. what a waste of time. oh well, it got me (partially) distracted, which was nice.

once again, my roomie is off drinking. i think it's Tequila Tuesday... i worry for that kid. i worry a lot. i worry too much. about everything. i'm sure it gets old for people around me. actually, i know it gets old for them- Meagan was nearly fit to pop earlier from just sitting and trying to do math homework with me! i laugh... then worry.

tensions in the "gang" are starting to worry me as well. we were all working before, and now it's been drawn and quartered into factions: The Chicks, The TAers, and The Rest. The Rest occasionally converse with The Chicks, and the rest of the time are with the TAers... it's so confusing! i don't get it... makes me sad.

i'm not sure why i chose to share that, but i did, so there, and if anyone who is part of the "gang" feels that my portrayal of us is incorrect, feel free to correct me... but i doubt anybody will, since the only ones who know about this blog are either TAers, or already know my thoughts...

new topic, something happy... please, mind, anything... c'mon, c'mon, gotta be able to come up with something to distract my mind, because it's way too late to be thinking, yet here i am, functioning on almost an hour of sleep (i passed out in Meagan's room this evening for 50 minutes, and it was a crap nap, but a much needed crap nap).

i give up, i'm going to lay down, and maybe i'll get lucky with a bit of exhaustion-induced mind silence. cheers!

wow, my roomie just got back and immediately the room filled with the scent of vodka... she's saying that she had an entire 5th to herself... and potsmoke wafted in earlier... our room stinks. adios!

is he mad at me? is he tired of me? does he care about me? does he miss me?

18.10.05

spinning... while sitting....

yeah, i haven't slept since saturday night. and saturday night's sleep was crap. as was friday night's. i think i'm probably going to crash soon.

my mommy sent me a congradulatory package (for the Crim test score). It consisted of my new medical insurance card, a bottle of pills, and a Microwave-able Brownie mix. Only in my family, i tell you.

right now would be the perfect time to take a nap: it's early afternoon, i'm done with classes for the day, i have minimal homework for spanish, and my body SHOULD be tired. but it's not. kind of weirded out. if i can't sleep tonight, then tomorrow i'm knocking myself out with NyQuil or something, because i'm barely functioning at a molecular level. it's almost dangerous, for the rest of the world. good thing i'm not driving, or else i would've asked somebody to take my keys.

as you can tell, my current lack of sleep is worrying me slightly. you'd THINK the lack of food/hunger would be worrisome as well, but i don't usually GET hungry, or it doesn't occur to me until someone around me gets hungry. then i think 'oh yeah, i should eat, it's been awhile.' makes me laugh. makes my mother worry.

i really have nothing to talk about right now, so maybe i'll just go lay down and pray for sleep to find me... or someone willing to give me a hug, because it's been too long. cheers!

holding pattern... holding pattern... -sigh- maybe today it'll end.

17.10.05

sweet tofu

writing this paper is like pulling teeth: painful and tedious. just felt like complaining. cheers!

at least my birkenstocks are comfy! yay

Once again, here I am.

yep, procrastinating. And since I can't sleep (that's a statement and a warning, all in one), I figured, 'hey, why don't I waste my time by writing something that OTHER people will waste their time reading? BRILLIANT!'

So my apologies, since I have no idea what's going to come out of my fingers here, but you know what? It's going to be a wild and crazy ride... hang on!

haha, Madge just commented on my last post... that makes me smile.

anywho, let's see... where to launch from... how about last night, which I spent rolling and flipping and generally just not sleeping. boo.

At one point, my roomie was talking in her sleep, which would've been entertaining, except she woke me up, and i'd managed to finally get to sleep about 20 minutes before that... oh well. it was really funny, she was talking with her hands and everything!

Finally got up around 9, emailed my mom, who immediately emailed me back... that was pretty nifty. we talked on the phone for over an hour last night... i think now that i'm gone, we might get along. whee! she claims to still be able to see the little Meghan in this photo. tell me what you think:

ok, so there's me these days... here's me from when i was a kid (only photo of me as a wean, my apologies for the humourosity of it):


I don't see it, but who knows...

My quilt makes me happy. I'm too lazy to upload a photo of it right now, mainly because doing that would involve taking a photo of it (first finding a camera to find said photo, then.. yeah), and it looks too comfy in a heap on my bed. Yeah that's right, I said my blanket looks comfy. Because it does. So there.

I'm supposed to be writing a paper on a core value of mine... I chose "interdependence." Should be interesting when I'm done, but since the whole "getting it done" thing isn't happening, we'll never know, now, will we?

My youngest sister is experiencing some of the less pleasant aspects of life right now, and I wish I could make it all better, but since it's not actually her with the problems, but her friend, I can't. And even if these were her problems, I couldn't fix them for her... hell, I can barely fix my own life, most of the time. I can't even imagine how helpless my mother feels.

I have two photos on my side of the room, and my roomie has a million. I think I have photo envy. I'm not sure how to fix that, since I have neither a camera nor a means to put these photos on paper, so there you go. Maybe I'll draw something. Nah, that's too pathetic. 'Look what I drew so my side of the room won't look so sad!' yeah, weak.

I just got an email from my mother telling of the dangers of tampons and pads. Apparently, if there's dioxin in my tampons/pads, I could get cervical cancer or womb tumours. delicious. Organic Essentials or Terra Femme are the recommended brands. hahaha, it says "100% UNBLEACHED COTTON TAMPONS" just like that. Those're supposed to save my cervix. Good to know, I guess. And now you all know! Yay!

My side of the room is seriously sad, tampons aside. I should look for something to decorate it... or not.

That's it, I'm going to try and take a nap, then tackle my paper. Cheers!

everything is going to be alright. this i believe wholeheartedly. i just wish this holding pattern would finish up.

16.10.05

Spanish... bah.

I don't feel like editing my spanish paper... probably because I don't feel like thinking in spanish. but that's just a guess.

My roomie is off partying, leaving me here alone with myself and my thoughts. Bah.

Alright, espanol time it is. Cheers!

fuck... only time will tell. i hope he thinks i'm worth it.

and a couple bags of cheap candy later...

today was interesting. It was bad, then good, then really good, then bad... crazy.

But Ani is making it all better, slowly. Ani DiFranco, that is. I'm not referring to my sister with a nickname she's not oh-so-very fond of.

I suppose I should explain my family, for all future references to be gotten. I have 2 biologically-related parents, 4 non-biologically-related parents, 1 biologically-related (debatably) sister, and 4 non-biologically-related siblings. Bob (bio-dad) grew up with Dave (non-bio dad #1), then Bob married Sue (bio mom), and Dave married Karen (non-bio mom #1). Sue met George (non-bio dad #2) through work, and he and his wife Linda (non-bio mom #2) became friends with my other parents, and they're who I mean when I say "all of my parents." Dave and Karen had two children, Lindsay (28) and Brian (25). George and Linda had two children as well, Quinn (21) and Lauren (17). And finally, Bob and Sue had Meghan (me- 19) and Anya (15).

There. If anybody cared, there's my family. If you find yourself wondering why, just remember: I'm from Eugene.

And with that, I'm going to bed. I should've before I even blogged, but for some reason, I thought I should say something, then when I logged on, I went through my day and didn't feel like putting it down. So, there you go. Cheers!

sometimes i hate the situations i create for myself, but i don't know what to do... and i can't go to sleep hating myself again... what to do, what to do....